AGGRHRHRHHRHR. Earlier in the day I was looking at Drez, working on my stuff, thinking about the weekend, about how much I’ve grown, how much I’ve accomplished, the life I built. It brought a genuine tear to my eye. Fast forwarding 12 hours later and I feel the need to pull out my hair. Can I tell you, I have not felt stress in… arguably months? Not real stress, not world shattering stress. I’ve been stressed out but it hasn’t been a lingering effect. Georgia continues to ask

(All written on November 30th, 2025) I have fallen in love with my life. I wish I could show a past version of myself just how high it gets. I know those lows felt unending but God it was so worth the wait. I was using the washroom just a minute ago and I forgive him. If I'm a different person than the one that he hurt then why should I carry his pain, his ego or his pride? I told myself a million times that I'd forgiven it, and yet when the time came, I was filled with malic

(Written on November 30th, 2025) I am unsure as to what in my life is changing so much that I don't feel like writing but I am annoyed at how behind or congested my journals have become. What was once a practice in getting my thoughts to the world, a place to express my own emotions care free has become an unstable chore. A draining task to even think about putting my own words to page. Please don't mistake it, I haven't fallen out of love with writing. It is, has been and a

// November 17th, 2025 // Woe that we might live in a world where I don’t wish Annjelette a happy birthday, that I would fail to get her, her rum cake. Foolishness that this might happen. I woke up with guilt, I was so excited to see my friend and immediately remembered I had forgotten a crucial text message, even as I ate her food yesterday I failed to remember. I would later receive a call from my supplier informing me that a rum cake would take much longer than anticipated

// November 15th, 2025 // What. The. Fuck. I’ve been crying a lot recently. Since July. Thankfully it isn’t any nefarious means that have me weeping rivers or bawling my eyes out, thankfully it’s good art. Real heavy hitting pieces that make me feel. They make me feel happy, sad, full of rage, full of joy. I’m inspired, im depressed, I’m hollow. I. feel. For so long I’ve wished for this, for so long I have waited and waited for life to return to what it once was. To be alive

// November 11th, 2025 // I’ve endured every day this life has thrown at me. I’ve survived each sickness to only get stronger from it. I’ve had my heart broken 3 times, and perciveurrd the death of my ****** ***. And yet sleep deprivation will be the toughest battle I’ve had to face. —- That 17 hour coma has ruined me. I only got 4 hours of sleep last night and it has made all the distance. Once 1/2/3 PM rolls around, im dead to the world. I had lunch handled at the very leas

// November 10th, 2025 // It has been a slow, arduous journey back into my old life. I had thought it would be as easy as putting on an old jacket. I hadn’t realized however that I'd grown since I last put it on, it sits a little too snug on my frame. When I was watching “YOU” on the plane home they brought up a quote by (I believe) Thomas Wolfe; who speaks about how you can never return home. How while home may stay the same, the shops, the people, the places; it is you who

It’s only 1145 but I feel like the day anew. After my nap it took me maybe 30 minutes to feel alive. As soon as my alarm went off at 1115 I was up, changed and out the door. I edited my JJK breakup vid, it’s not without its flaws though I think it adds charm. I was so enthralled with it in fact that I got on the wrong train. I am now further from Tokyo than when I started my voyage. After a minor detour I made it to Tokyo Station. It’s good that I got off wrong, if I didn’t K

// October 30th, 2025 // breakfast buffet  Missed calling the crew on their Wednesday lunch Train into Disney sea Goofy character really into it Everyone is all happy smiles Electric train to the other side of park Nautical ride (dizzy) Nemo 4D ride Minnie Mouse / Mickey Mouse photo ops Water ride Cave system rides Nom noms + nap I woke up and forgot I was in Japan. This place is giving me cultural whiplash. When we started the day I was in Japan, as we entered the park it wa

I started the day as all days should, with Chainsaw man. I remember the first time I watched and read CSM I didn’t cry for Himmy. She was in and out of the story so quick I couldn’t really form a bond with her. But the anime really pays so much time to her, and this time around? I wept for the girl. We left the hotel before I could finish the series. A quick stop off at the breakfast buffet and then we hopped on a train to Akihabara. The train system in Japan is so goated, ev

// Written on Oct 31st, 2025 // The view in the mornings is gorgeous. We spent the early day packing. Around 930 we headed out of the hotel to find food. We found a small hole in the wall breakfast place at the same market we’ve been coming to. They sold drinks that came with complimentary bread. I strange way of selling food and yet! Everything was delicious. I had an iced matcha latte with red bean then blueberry jam on my milk bread. We grabbed a taxi from the hotel to Shi

// Written on Oct 31st, 2025 // It was an early morning. I’ve mostly settled in, my eyes no longer look like I’m high all the time. They no longer itch or burn a thousand hells. I’m not entirely sure what I did with the 7 hours before we left the hotel. I don’t want to say I wasted it doomscrolling and yet… OH MY GOOOODDDD!!!! We got to Hep 5 maybe 10 minutes before they opened. We were at the front of the line, I thought it’d be less crowded considering it was 11AM on a Mond

I knocked out early. I’m fighting the jet lag to the best of my ability but my internal clock is all kinds of screwed up. I was down at 7 and up at 12. I couldn’t knock back out, unfortunately I didn’t exactly spend my time productively. It was straight doom scrolling and… research for 6 hours. I finally got hungry enough to leave the bed around 7. We were out of the hotel an hour later. Just enough time for me to catch the first episode of SpyxFam S3. The train was a little

I awoke to Freya on my shoulder, she had me almost off the bed the way she was big spooning me. I couldn’t fall back asleep, I assumed it was still night but the light peeking behind the black out blinds said otherwise. I took a look beyond them, it was… so bright, so beautiful. Now I write with my sliver of sunlight shining at my desk, I want to feel the sun on my face I want to be outside. I don’t want to wake them however. And I’m much too scared to be out on my own. So I

I got the time wrong, I don’t know how… our plane departs at 11 not 8…. Uhhhhh. Also apparently Drez got to work late again. I pray for him and everyone at work. I did not exactly leave him prepared for what’s to come today. I wish them all the best. It’s 1030 now, the morning was just checking into the airport. Last nights dinner is today’s breakfast. I fear I did not give my little boy enough love to prepare him for the absence he’s going to feel for the next 12 days. :,( I

There are people who- they should make one lane roads obsolete. What do you mean I missed 3 green lights because the person in front of me wants to go 10 under?? I WANT TO PULL YOU OUT OF YOUR CAR AND SHRED YOUR THROAT UNTIL IT LOOKS LIKE TWIZZLERS I WANT TO TURN YOU INTO A MESS OF RED I WANT TO USE YOUR OWN BROKEN BONES TO INFLICT MORE PAIN TOWARDS YOUR OH SO DESERVING BODY AGHHHHHH. If the light ahead of you is always a 5 minute wait and you watch it turn green. WHO IN THEI

Raghhhhhh!!! I woke up at like 2 in the morning, stayed up for an hour because I couldnt fall asleep again and then woke up at 645. Took an early shower because I was dirty nasty. Waited for my mother to wake up because the Jays won and I needed Blue Jay gear. I do wish I had it prepped and primed, I should've gotten to work on time. I was pretty good otherwise I think! I thought I was a good boss and worker! I do wish I had another set of hands though, another cook would not

Waking up was not difficult, I feel I didnt even sleep. I got to work first and set up as usual. It's surreal to be there first. Not since I got my car do I think that's been true. The day was kind, easy. I took two reprieves from work to rest my eyes, and I think they did me well. I came alive in the afternoon. I remained on service most of the day which I wouldnt mind if not for my affliction. I dont think the one coughing should be the one customer facing. I got my passpor

// Friday Oct 17 // I bought our coffees, that shit is hella expensive. Like $5 per person almost. // Saturday Oct 18 // Today was brilliant, it feels like I’m playing Minecraft on easy mode. It would be peaceful if not for this invisible enemy that has made me its home. I am in prison in my own body, my weakened strength is my cage. One day soon I will break free of this curse. My cure comes in time. I finally finished The Suicide Squad, after 4 days of watching it. I’m glad

Now, while my victory comes at the preperation of a thousand others, I would still like to revel in it. Today's work day not only as a cook, but as a shift lead felt good. I might have stepped into the building a little later than usual, however I didn't let that take away from the good mood I woke up with. Whatever sickness I still have, I think I sweat 90% of it out last night. My sweat left a shadow of the demon that left. I came in with an attitude so chipper and cheerful