Febraury 17th - 19th, 2026

February 17th, 2026

I kissed my crush goodbye as I left for work in the morning. This girl is very special to me. This feeling needs to be bottlled so I can have it forever.

Work was ugh!! Far too busy, too daunting, too exhausting. The after wasn't so bad. Drez and I went to McDonalds to pick up OVO meals and Anime Uno cards. Drez and my crush talked briefly, she requested Drez relinquish me so she could see me. I've never dropped Drez off so quickly.

The 410 was it's usual nightmare but the Risk / Reward ratio was astronomicallyfavouring the reward. I came home to see a beautiful angel princess waiting for me. I love life. We watched Haunting before dinner, we watched haunting after dinner. We went to bed. If not for the heartbeat beside me, holding me close I would've been terrified.

February 18th, 2026

Work was the pits, we are so idiotically busy. For what feels like no reason. I'm plotting to ask my crush to be my girlfriend. Others may see it too soon, but I REALLY like this girl. I helped her sister shovel when I got home.

My crush and I finished Haunting of Hill House. I really liked it. I wasn't as emotionally invested in the characters as I could have been but I loved the three youngest kids and their stories. God Nellie, you deserve the world and more.

We had Pizza! :)

Of all the things to break us up why would it be The Rice Purity Test??? We discussed a very intimate and personal possible disagreement. We both cried until the early hours of the morning. The conversation wasn't finished we just couldn't keep talking, exhaustion took our voices.

February 19th, 2026

God, I should'n’tve challenged the universe. Whomever is praying on my downfall, please stop. I’m so tired. Please. I’m out of tears to cry. I can’t feel anything anymore. I woke up an abyss, empty and hollow. How wicked and cruel a joke to pull on someone, to not even leave them with sadness, not even a semblance of emotion. There is a void in my chest. I could feel my heart breaking last night, and now I can’t feel it at all.

Tears. I don’t want to lose her, we’re killing the flowers before they bloom. Something beautiful never having its chance in the sun. The world is cruel. I’m not done yet. I haven’t even started. I want to fall in love with her, I have never felt this way with someone so instantly. Tears. Please. I want this feeling full fledged, my heart beats, I feel it.

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I came home, we needed to talk. I was so scared. I didn't want to pick the flowers before they bloomed. I prayed to God this wasn't the end. Someone must have been listening.

She told me a friend talked her into her decision, that being, to be happy. To give us a shot. I was overjoyed. I asked her directly after that, we barely talked before I asked her to be my girlfriend with the promise of asking her properly again later. I told her I couldnt wait longer, that I couldnt take another second without her.

(Written on the 23rd of February, 2026 - I hope she doesn't think it was out of desperation or guilt. My decision to ask her to be mine was nothing of the sort, it was out of a pure desire. I genuinely couldn't think of her not being my girlfried. I was already referring to her as such to my piers. I needed her. That's why the thought of it ending hurt so badly)