April 12th, 2026 - Dyl Devil Born Again

April has been kind to me for the most part. I recieved my first write up. I hope that I don't get another one simply because I wouldn't want to fail my Tita like that again. Though it did make me reflect ahrder on the situation I've been in for a long time now. I didn't come to any new conclusion, instead I just made sure to bring myself closer to the cure. I'm leaving this job, I will not let it kill me. I wrote a letter to my boss, and a letter to my Tita. In one I express gratitude for changing my life for the better, in the other I express regret that I can't stay. By heaven I am esthatic to fix my life. If all goes accoriding to plan then a few months into turning twenty seven I will live an entirely new life.

I think I'm going through a rebirth. This isn't my first, I've been through many in my life. Some of them still births, returning to the person I was before the attempted changing. I pray that this isn't the same. I need to change, adapt or die type shit. Most recently, it is trying to learn to stand up to authority, especially when the authority is someone you love, but the authority the hold over you is non beneficial.

That's a lot of nothing, let me break it down. I have that "How to be a better man" thing once a month with my family and two strangers. Of which I feel it is just free therapy for my titos while I have to seeth in silence. Non beneficial. ESPECIALLY when it takes place in the middle of the day on a Satuday. That is primetime. I am in my twentys with friends and a girlfriend. Why would I ever want to waste a moment on this Earth going through something uncomfortable to do something I don't like when I have people who desperately want to see me?

I was supposed to go the other day, and I bailed. It was painful. I got 1/3rd of the way there and took a wrong exit, increasing the trip by another thirty minutes. I had to pull over, I left somewhere I wanted to be for something I was dreading. I texted the people I love in my life for guidance and it was my mother who saved me this time around. "Call it a day, don't overthink. No one will think less of you." I started driving back to my girlfriend's house.

I don't want to be weak willed and subservient anymore. Doing things at the detriment of myself to appease others. I'm not playing the hero by doing that I'm just hurting myself. I need a spine, I say it all the time, I think I was born without one. In placce of that I think I've found one. The hands of all the people I love push against my back and I am stronger for it.

Anyway! I had dinner with Tania's family for the first time. I think it went well! I really truly love her and want to grow with her. :)

Y'okay! Dyl out, love you!