October 7th, 2025 - Dont let me lead

Wow! Work certainly was the most ever. Whatever happens tomorrow is on me completely. There was so much shit to do and there were six of us, the fact that service was late, that I had to keep putting out fires, that there were a mountain of complaints? On me. I let my ego cloud my judgement and I'm sorry. To myself and most importantly my team. I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, that I could have lunch done on time, that I could do it all on my own. I cannot, not yet. Not delegate and cook and- and- and-. That isn't what the team is for. I have a lot of feelings on this that just go in circles. Long story short, I'm sorry to my team for not being the leader I'm supposed to be. I promise that my lack of a spine will not be our downfall. I will always do better than yesterday.

The gym was good. A little too much talking still but I felt good about what I got in. After the gym Raj called asking about Contigo. I like going out, I enjoy this new aspect of myself. We ate, walked, talked. Even if it wasn't an eventful evening with my bestfriend I still enjoyed it. Never time wasted with him.

I listened to SAILORR's album. I like her, she's a fun artist. That ITADAKIMASU is a fucking hit. I gotta plan friendsgiving and Middeths thing. Watch Hazbin hotel, write a letter to my cousin, send my previous written letter, write an email to my father, clean my room.

Another time perhaps, for now goodnight.

Addendum -----

I don't think I have a writing style. Reading over previous blod posts makes me feel like an entirely different person. The way he speaks the way she writes? They sound familiar but I don't know him. Man could spit cyphers though. A lot of the literary devices used were hitting different. I miss that. I should bring it back. (Basic writing techniques) Maybe it's because I'm happy. Pain breeds passion and creativity isn't caused by comfort.