November 19th - 27th, 2025 - Days of our Dyl

(Written on November 30th, 2025)

I am unsure as to what in my life is changing so much that I don't feel like writing but I am annoyed at how behind or congested my journals have become. What was once a practice in getting my thoughts to the world, a place to express my own emotions care free has become an unstable chore. A draining task to even think about putting my own words to page.

Please don't mistake it, I haven't fallen out of love with writing. It is, has been and always will be my first love; I just- I think I lost the plot. What do I do it for? Why do I not do it? Have I been kept too busy to write? You'd think that with more things to do I'd have more to say; that I might jump at the chance to write my stories. And yet these days I just find myself tired.

(Written on the days as numbered)

// Wednesday November 19th, 2025 //

Wednesday boiled down to being sore and still hitting the gym and then starting my harem run in Dispatch.

// Thursday November 20th, 2025 //

Thursdays highlight was seeing the Taay’s and watching Wicked 2. I wish I wrote this day. To tell you my thoughts on wicked would’ve been… wicked. Too easy? I really wish I had my thoughts fresh, but from memory;

It was a difficult hill to climb, playing catch up to the people who saw the first one. Towards the latter half of the film, around the death of the Wicked Witch of the East, things started to fall in place, I started to understand the world and its characters. I really liked Elphaba as a protagonist, regardless of whether I’ve seen it or not I liked her tragic heroics, I found them refreshing. I liked that despite all the good she wanted to do, all that she tried to do the consequences were dire. No good deed goes unpunished. Her push to “wickedness” felt both vindicated and rushed, at times I also just straight up didn’t understand her motives.

Towards the end of the film I feared I didn’t care about these people. I feared the last 2/3 hours didn’t captivate me enough to bring a tear to my eyes. I was proven wrong at the last possible moment. In the scarecrow (I forget his name) and Elphabas exile, in her song with Glenda, I found just enough emotion to cry. I thought of comparing them to my own experiences but the circumstances weren’t the same. This doomed yuri has nothing on my doomed Yaoi. Still, at the end of the day I liked the movie. But goddamn Woodbine is falling apart.

// Friday November 21st, 2025 //

A decent session. We are ever slowly moving the plot forward. They just made it into the entrance to the sea caves.

// Saturday November 22nd, 2025 //

I finished YOU. I lost interest after season 4, watching season 5 hasn’t been a priority so much as it’s felt like a necessity. Like I need to finish it out of obligation over enjoyment. This is obvious to see considering I started this season on my plane back from Japan, how long have I been back in Canada? 20 or so days? It was fine, I genuinely have no real thoughts or opinions, I stopped caring. I- forgive me that’s too rude. I didn’t care about the characters, I actually really enjoyed the show. The way the plot was moving earlier on had me feeling like “We’re so back!”

On to more pressing matters. Today’s agenda mostly followed last weeks. Laundry and Dispatch. I finished up my harem run but I felt- nothing. It wasn’t a real ending, it was more like you lead Mandy on so you can heel turn onto Courtney. It’s not fair to either of them. I missed my hacking achievement this run. Which means I have to play the whole thing over again. God I’m getting tired. I love this game, it’s characters but I can’t keep reliving the same day over and over again. I have Baldurs Gate Syndrome. Playing the same game over and over in different ways, but each time it loses something that made it special the first time. Like I was truly immersed the first play-through, not a second was spent looking off screen. By the 3rd run around, I let the thing play in the background and just pushed the buttons to advance the plot. Horrendous, no piece of art should be treated like that.

I think I’m going to take a long break from Dispatch after I go through an evil run. I don’t want to let Courtney fall but I want that 100%. I type this as I’m getting ready to watch the boys play ball. I actually don’t know how true that statement is. The game has already started, it’s 30 minutes to get to them and a 40 minute game. Doing the math… I have my clothes set out in front of me, I think I’m going to have to put them back. I would have enjoyed to see my friends this weekend but I don’t think I see it in my cards. I’d say it wasn’t in the cards but I decide my fate and I don’t feel like doing it. Not right now. It’s a decompress kind of day.

Which has its ups and downs. It’s not exactly a do nothing day, I’m doing things, they may not be important things but perhaps sometimes that’s needed. I dunno. I’m still confused about everything.

— Addendum —

I think I forgot to write about it in previous instalments but I finished Hazbin Hotel last week. I really enjoyed it. The musical interludes were enjoyable, I found Vox a good villain, I liked Heaven and Hell coming together, moreover I loved Charlie and Emily, I liked developing on Sir Pentious in heaven, and I’m excited to see where the show goes.

// Sunday November 23rd //

I truly cannot recall how the morning went. I can only recall going for lunch with the Segovia / Cruz crew at Congee Queen. I had to cancel on Mama, she asked me a minute ago if I could driver her around for her dentist. I was genuinely esthatic to spend the day with her, regardless as to whether she'd trick me or not, I'd just enjoy spending time with her. I realized however that I was triple booked for that day; It's at the same time as my work function and I can't really miss that. I hate to choose work over 1/3rd of the women who raised me but daddy needs that bread. I also found out that we aren't hitting the Philippines this coming year, it'll have to be 2027. A bit bumming but berbaps bor bhe best. Otherwise it was a nice lunch, always nice to see Nic.

We stopped by Foch for a second to re up on chocolate, then I took Freya and my mom to a bazaar at our church. Brudda. Oh my God!!! And I mean that ish. Dawg, the prettiest women you don't know are stocked up at your local place of worship. WDYM THE BROWN BADDIES ARE AT CHURCH??? I gotta start praying again.....

Ahem-! After church I dropped the fam at home and started making my way to the venue. I got to the History parking lot after doors opened. The line was still hella long, I started drinking. And drinking, and- When I got out of the car, the world was spinning, I made it into the venue maybe a song after Chloe had started. WOE THAT I WOULD MISS A SECOND OF CHLOE!!!! I was dead ass so happy to see her again, somehow History suited her more than The Opera House, what a show! I sang my heart out, did a lil dance and recorded the whole thing. In hindsight I'm not entirely sure why... I had already seen her live, this year too. I had recordings of her show. This would be my 3rd, why do I need more videos? I recorded regardless.

After Chloe left I knew it'd be a disgusting wait for Parx to pull up, I made my way to the mezzanine which was part of general admission this time around. IT'S SO COOL UP HERE. However, MFs DO NOT DANCE up there, it's boring ash. I went back down to the floor. Parx came on, I heard closer live, it was aight. I didn't cry like I thought I might. I heard Tantrum and Dreamboy live, it was a good set. I think my only greivance is mother fuckers did NOT move, GIRL! WATERPARKS IS PLAYING POP YOUR FUCKING PUSSY!!!! I bought a Chloe tour shirt that I missed when she was on her tour, and then I grabbed Parx's Fandom Vinyl.

I suspected with how drunk I started the show I might need to sleep in my car. I was bone dry sober when I walked out the doors. I got home and slept. (I got home at 1130, tell me why I went to bed at 130)

// Aside from when I was drunk ash //

I’ve gotten to the part of the bottle where I’m praying for love. Whatever you did for Drez, the spontaneity of a woman looking for a friend in a faceless crowd, please. I’m so deserving of love, so desperate for it. Yet apparently not enough. If I were so desperate would I not be trying? Would I not be talking to women, the very thing that would succeed in finding a paramour? Foolishness to believe that I’m so deserving of love it would just fall into my lap. Twice a pattern does not make. My 2/3 record will forever be scorned if I don’t try.

I’m so- I’d pay for someone to hold me in an intimate way. Platonic love is a beautiful thing but it doesn’t give me the satisfaction I need. I crave-. I’m drunk enough to knock out, I haven’t even made it to the venue yet.

// Monday November 24th

I stayed up too late, I don’t want my artificial wake up juice I want 8 hours of sleep and a sharp mind.

I hate pretty privilege, wdym I almost crashed at the roundabout but instead of my usual outrage, my no better than a man brain saw it was a shawty and instantly forgave it. SHE WASNT EVEN PRETTY- in the sense that I don’t know if she was, I only saw the outline of a woman and gave her pretty privilege.

I was tired man, getting home all I did was doomscroll Youtube and browse my toy insta.

// Tuesday November 25th //

What da-? Tell me why Im getting pressed in my dreams. I had a weird AU dream where in place of hiring Drez we hired Yeca, and then Shabin came in for a day. To which I was then asked disappointingly if my crush was still a problem. I came in with Shabin, and began to work. Yeca had walked in but I hadn’t yet seen her, just heard her voice. I said good morning, and then a moment later she confronted me, talking about how over the past few days I’d just say my good mornings and nod my head but no real conversation no eye contact. I don't remember the ending, thats not me being coy I deadass dont remember. The only thing I can recount is being nervous in a dream, like I could feel my heart sweating.

I fear my fatal flaw is not believing in sleep debt.

I can not, do not, will not understand how mfs don’t cry for Chase in Dispatch. I’ve seen two ppl play it and I’ve played through it twice. I have experienced his sacrifice four times now, and every time without fail! I. Am. Weeping.

// Wednesday November 26th //

Whuh-! Yesterday was a bit of a mess work wise. I felt like I was doing too much and yet despite the numerous times I heard "I got you" I felt like I was still failing. Today was the opposite I'm sure. I was on salad bar the whole morning and didn't touch the line once. Mark must HATE me!! Smiling Devil Emoji.

On a worse note, I had my trial today. I had milk crates stacked up in front of the couch in the wellness room for a table. The process was painless (not for my wallet) though hella time consuming. It took me an hour to get resolved and most of the time was spent waiting. My hearing was at 1:30, I didn't talk to a prosecutor until 1:50ish. She laid out my options, we'd either resolve the case today and I'd plead guilty for a reduced fee or I'd go to trial and have to fight fight my ticket without any guarentee that I'd not have to pay. I told her straight up, I am more than happy to pay, I just can't afford it. 650 Bones is not a small ammount. She took $200 off what would've been $700. I could bite the bullet and pay 500. I WANTED to get it down to $300 but it didn't feel like I could plead forgiveness or grovel for a lesser fine. I took what I could get, what really sold me was that she said I could take up to a year to pay it back. I had to hide my smile. I'm not happy about losing 500 dollhairs to the Govy but if I put $2 a day away? I should be gold!

I got put into a (virtual) room with other defendants, a judge came in eventually and the trials proceeded. I couldnt hear shit. I wondered if anyone was saying anything, I turned on closed captioning and realized they were. Shiiii, I hoped I wouldn't need to say anything. Perhaps the prosecutor would speak for me. The in person trials were done first, one guy got hit 4 times on the same camera for $5 over.... WHAT THE FUCK????? Wild, another guy had a lawyer in place of him to discuss a $3,400 fine. Then it came my turn, I read my name in the captions, I tried to speak but no one could hear me. They said they'd get back to me while I troubleshooted. I connected to FCT WIFI and the audio started working.

Both the judge and the prosecutor were lowkey judgy about my 60 in a 30, Miss Ma'am, I didnt WANT to be doing all that. I hadn't realized it was a safety zone, there were no speed bumps, inadequate signage, and the school wasn't visible from the road. The sidewalks were clear, not a car in sight, I made the wrong turn and needed to get back to the main road, I used my best judgement and tried to get back as fast as I could. I stand by that what I did wasn't wrong... Obviously in the eyes of the law but like... No one was hurt. We shouldn't be charging people for ish that don't do no damage. Fah.

Any-hway, I pleaded guilty to 5 hunnid with 6 months to pay it...

Drizzy and I hit the gym, we contemplated going to Leon Thomas but in all honesty I wasn't feeling it. I feel bad, fear I let Drizzy down but I just didn't want to go. I know I suggested it and all but I just had a concert, I have two clubs coming up, Chrimmis is coming, I gotta pay the Govy 500, I came up with excuse after excuse but I knew it's because I didn't want to go.

Home now, watching Alannah Pearce play Dispatch and doomscrolling. But!!! Productive because I updated my blog...

// Aside //

I wanna ask that brown girl out. Short, kinda round, loves my hot sauce, orders the fries. I just- how.

// November 27th, 2025 //

It’s too easy to do nothing. On my drive home and during my errands run I found two songs. One of which I thought sounded so familiar. If I like song A because it sounds like song B, is that fair to song A? So that got me thinking about a movie idea about this guy who falls for a girl because she looks like another girl. But then that had me thinking, what if the girl he liked originally was the same girl that he fell for. She wears a similar style, goes to the same places, because she is the same girl but he doesn’t know that. She doesn’t know he “only” likes her because she reminds him of someone else, when she finds out they get into a huge fight, she leaves and as she’s moving into her old place we find a box of her old stuff and it’s the same outfit that the guy saw that made him like her. Revealing that he fell for the same girl that he based his taste off of.

Anyway, I hit purple Bakeshop, Walmart, LCBO, and Michael’s. I don’t wanna look at my bank. I just hope my efforts are appreciated. My mom asked me to drive her, I hope I’m not a bad son for not wanting to. I miss her though, I said so earlier in the day. I wanna hang out, go shopping. :s

---

The rest of the evening was with Alannah's run of Dispatch. I also picked up Tyler the Creator for Gabriel, ish ran me a cool hunnid. Beyond that, I started Stranger Things S5. I have NO idea what the hell is happening or who these mfs are. I gotta watch a recap for the first couple of seasons and then rewatch the last two. Otherwise seeing this gargantuan party tackle life in Hawkins is pretty exciting.