October 13th, 2025 - THE PLAGUE

I woke up sick.

I write this as I am ready to die. I need water, soup and electrolytes. None of which are easily accessible from this homemade hospital bed. I don’t know what killed me, I wish it peace. I only want to rest now. Vengeance is for those whom still have a chance at life, those who aren’t fated to fatigue until they are nothing left but ash. I would swear justice for myself if it were an injury of the mind, of the heart or body. But of the spirit? Of the strength of me? I will lay here and die.

The day was good before! Not even 12 hours ago. I awoke around 9 leaving my messages unanswered. I wore myself ragged before showering and heading out to congee queen. A large portion of the family popped out to see mama. I’m happy to have her in my life. Someone who I have nothing but love and adoration for, someone I want to impress beyond comprehension. I want her to see me the way I see her. To know I love her more than the air I breathe. I would not possess an ounce of kindness without her.

The food was fine, the lunch was confusing. Everything moved too fast to comprehend. We were playing uno on gamepidgeon while we ate, they were still serving us while we played heads up. I tried to bring in my tea, my gossip, what I’ve been up to. There was moderate interest but our collective breaths could not spark the fire of conversation. Electricity did not roil through us this time. Nico and I annoyed Georgia as much as possible, we laughed with Andie and admired Ella. Ronic and I talked, Daniel was the one to start all of our group activities. The day was nice, I missed my cousins. I miss one in particular.

I made sure to put her in the photos. I didn’t have a great picture of her at the ready but I still had her in the pictures all the same. Whenever there were photos to take, memories to make I made sure nene would be with us in spirit.

Ella, Nico and I said we’d play Minecraft when we got home. I can’t lift my limbs. I need soup, I need water I need electrolytes. I picked up the OG Xbox stuff from Foch before I made it home. Hours after I got back I could feel the sickness consume me. I could’ve run a marathon this morning. Now I can’t even move my legs.

I made myself the electrolytes, the soup, the water and then hot chocolate. Perhaps my body may be compromised but I will die fighting. I loaded up The Suicide Squad, of how I wish my projector was set up. Never has then been a better time. I enjoy every second that passes with this moving picture. But with every second I am reminded of my failure to message one of the 3 people who mean so much more than the world to me. I sit on the ceramic throne, the washroom is cold my superman sweater is the only thing keeping me warm. I text her, every word feels Shakespearean, absolutely dripping with poetry, every type feels Herculean in task. My fingers atrophy with every letter. My breath weakens with every word. Still I tell her, the basics; that I hope she had the greatest day of her life. In the letter I will write I will tell her more, everything. How she is my inspiration for every good decision I’ve made, how she is my blueprint for everything good in my life. That she was 1 of 3 women whom taught me the life lessons I will carry past my death. That I wish everything positive in life would gravitate towards her like she deserves. That health, wealth and happiness follow her in everything she does. She is my big sister and I love her. And I miss her.

The movie played on as I sat in my most comfortable chair, its padding attempted to cushion me from discomfort all to no avail. It wasn’t the outside that pained, it was all internal. My legs rubberized and useless, my breath ragged and worn beyond exhaustion, my tired eyes swollen, dry and red. I turned the movie off. I couldn’t allow myself to not enjoy something I love so much. The whole computer shut down as my head laid on my desk. My condition worsened and I lamented putting away my sickness medication some weeks ago. In my memory I was just stricken with such a plague. Just before Annjelette returned to us in great health. What struck me now? What blade pushed the poison into my veins? Was it the drugs? The alcohol? Was it the excess of unknown souls dancing beside me. Their sweat mingling with mine own. Yes. It could only be all of it. The college party on Friday was surely filled with germs and bacteria, while I may not have traded spit with them I paraded myself beside them, we danced. I can only imagine their breath tangled with mine in the least intimate of moments. The sickness entered my body and I was ill prepared to fight it. A lack of sleep already took down any defences that could hope to stave off the wretched plague. My body was only worsened as alcohol poisoned my remaining forces. I hadn’t any clue to what was happening in my own body as I let the disease enter. I had no idea it mimicked what was happening outside my body. It paraded around town, it danced in the moonlight of my own creation. It struck me completely, from top to bottom.

I am sure of it, as I made my way home, as my all-nighter came to an end, the wickedness had already made me its home. I was already infected. I slept for a measly 30 minutes before falling into a slumber again for only 5 hours. Only five hours I gave to myself before I was back in the world and ready to attack the day. My defences should have been up, I did not know. I did not know. The day I spent with Shabin, the drugs, the alcohol, the lack of sleep, it all caught up at once. Like a terrible flame engulfing the very home that feeds it. My body too blazes now. I await for the moment where I have nothing left to feed this feverish nightmare. I lay now, in my bed. Ready for sleep to come. For my eldest friend from before I even existed to cradle me in its arms once more. I only ask that I have a decimal of a fraction of my strength tomorrow. I need not impress anyone. But I need not let anyone down either. I am a pillar in my community and I must stand tall. Come rain, come shine, storm or flood I will stand tall. No sickness will take me, no fever will control me. Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight. And I will see you in the morning with more strength then I’ve had in my entire lifetime.

To my cousin, to my sister I love you, and hope every day is better than the last. To my grandmother, to my Lola, to my mama; you have taught me more in 26 years than most people ever gain in a lifetime. I wish you the very best of days, and that I see you soon only so I can tell you how much you mean to me in person. I hope to accomplish something in this life to make you proud. I don’t want to be your mistake, I will make you proud. I will make you proud.

Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight. Dear reader, I love you. Goodnight.

• Dyl

addendum ——

The kids (my cousins) said I’d make a great woman. They saw the pictures and videos on my phone and accused me of zestiness. Girl! How tf am I supposed to take pics? Vids? Anyway, that ish boosted my ego.

As well, lying here dying I am reminded of how much I love the idea, the fantasy of being taken care of. Like in all the Rom Com anime’s where one of them gets sick and the other makes them soup and takes care of them. I need that. I want that. I’d be cured the next day.