September 27th, 28th, 2025 - The Night that was, The Day that Wasn't

// Saturday 27th //

Ha! Church, anyway the day started when we got to Cora’s. I’ve found that I’m not a fan of breakfast. It’s just glorified dessert. White people breakfast gotta be the most stupid idea in all of human history. Where tf is the rice, where is the meat, where is the flavour?? Give me pandesal, garlic rice, spam and an egg every day over your fucking pancakes. But-! But the waitress… they put something in waitress’ and baristas man. They’re always super models. She was so pretty. She looked like a girl next door version of Abella Danger, freckles and glasses. Shawty Made me look like the Lego Batman gif.

Our food arrived and we barely had time to take a bite before we had to leave. We dropped Logan off and then zoomed our way to Brampton. For the first time in history the 410 was drivable. We made it to BCC. I’m in the same parking lot where Ivory and I stayed up late, in the same parking lot where Dennis and I went shopping. I should make a note to not park here with anyone else I want in my life.

What an absolute waste of a day. It all went down after parking. It wasn’t spent with my sister, it wasn’t spent with my mother it was spent in solitude in a mall I don’t know buying shit I don’t need. Now I’m at Jollibee and I don’t even want to eat. How awful. I bought a chain and some earrings for $60 I’m trying to justify it, I picked up a superpowers Slade to go against my Nightwing. I’ve been here for hours and I’ve accomplished nothing. Egregious.

The Katseye BBQ chicken is fine, it doesn’t compare to the regular chicken with gravy. There’s a cardboard cutout with Katseye on it. I wanna steal it. 


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I've become evil, my bones vibrate at a different frequency than the rest of me. My skin doesn't sit right over my muscles. I am wrong, I hate.

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That went away in time. My brain calmed itself in the two hours after writing that. I spent them with my mother. I remember we talked though I couldn't tell you about what. When I got home I slept. I doomscrolled for a little too long and then turned my brain off, an hour nap turned into two and a half. I took my shower, I got my clothes ready. Shabin called, I didn't call back. Drez and Matthew picked me up after they hit the LCBO, I had them pick up teuqila. I didnt wear a crop top, I wasnt feeling the fit enough to go through with it. I wore a plain white tee and baggy black cargos. Basic ahh fit I know but-

I didn't have my wallet. I knew where it was, I knew we couldn't get into the club without it. We would have to heist. We scooped Rajvir and Dave then headed to work. I had hoped that the secuirty guard would be in. That'd've made my life a hell of a lot easier. Without him we drove to the back, I entered through the usual area and made sure to wave at the camera's. I didn't want to come off as someone with ill intent, they needed to know it was me, that I didn't pose a threat. If this would come back to me the next week so be it. I've given these guys 5 years of my life, I think I've never done anything but my best. Even when I was at one of the lowest points of my life I still gave them my all, if this woulld be the end it was only meant to be. I grabbed my wallet, some chocolate and some drinks. I walked out of the building and I thought I was okay. I made sure to close every door behind me with precision speed. I approached the car with shit in my hands, Iced tea, Iced tea, water, Twix, Kit-Kat, keys to the fridge, tahin... Keys to the... fridge? Fuck. I seriosuly considered not going back in, I'd just make sure to get there before Liz on Monday.... just the idea of it was enough to make me laugh, I placed everything down and ran back in. The alarm was blaring, I put the keys back where they belong and ushered everyone into the car, they wanted to take the shots there. As stern as possible but without cause for alarm I told Drez we had to leave now. When we were out of the parking lot I told the truth. Dave comforted me though in truth I didn't need it. I felt quite stable at my job, while I was apologetic to make this someone's saturday night problem I would not let it get in the way of mine. Whatever the repercussions were would need to wait. I messaged Dimitri explaining the situation, despite everything I still believe honesty is the best policy. Before we got on the train I would get a message back saying it'd be okay. I could breathe again.

We almost parked at Clarkson but Drez wanted to sandwich the car beside a huge truck, the backseat made fun of him. Dave, Raj and I laughed that out of a thousand free spaces he would choose to park beside someone. I heard the pettiness engine turn on in his head, he started driving into the parking garage, he egged us on, "Yall wanna park far we can park far." He was ready to send us four stories high. We settled on the ground floor. Out of the car we prepared our shots, Middeth and Raj had their jaws drop at what I considered a shot. I laid out the tajin and limes, we took our shots. My throat burned, my head spun. 2 shots and I was feeling it. We werent even a quarter into the bottle. I looked at the map and it said we had only a minute until the bus left. We. Ran. A bus passed us, we stared dejected but thankfully it wasnt ours, we didnt need to run though I believe it was good we did. Buses lined Clarkson, with the trains down it was a rough day for public transport. We tapped on at Clarkson and an hour later we tapped off at Union. Oh. My. God. I thought Clarkson was bad, there were lines going left, right, up, down and sideways at Union. We used the washroom just before we started our walk to Rec Room, Roy kept asking how far we were, I wasnt worried we'd arrive fashionably late. We were just enjoying each others company. Finally he called as we 10 minutes out, you could hear the anger over the phone. He yelled about how many singles there were, about how we needed to hurry up. We made it to the roundabout and took our last two shots, I made mine a double and we left the bottle in a random bush.

I had Roy pick us up from the enterance. He seemed pleased to meet my friends, it was nice to see two worlds collide in a positive way. Like having two ex lover meet and then the three of y-. We made our way to the dance floor. I'll leave this part of the night in my memories. I think the only parts you need to know was that I was very happy to meet Nicole, to dance with my friends, to be at a club. I tried to go drink more from the bush outside but the security said once we were gone we were gone, Raj and I headed back in. I used the restroom, I didn't realize how drunk I was until I sat down. When you're dancing everything is spinning but so are you, but when you stop? I was so dizzy, I made sure to text my cousins to tell them of my adoration for them. I enjoyed the rest of the night. I'm not sure how long we planned to stay but when I finally checked the time we were only 30 minutes away from the place closing. We stayed, the last song went off and we left, I tried to make sure Nicole had water, I think I was doing too much and not enough simeltaniosyuly.

When we got outside Nicole was still with us, we bought Ice cream and just talked, these 2 girls we met at the club hung out beside us, they decided to tag along and we all went to eat. A 20 minute walk took us to a poutine place no was really feeling, but a 5 minute walk took us to A&W. We sat and ate and talked. I really liked this part, I got to actually meet Nicole and Michaela, and Lindsey. Nicole was french, Michaela was from Hong Kong and Lindsey was Dutch. The table asked about where everyone was from, I wasnt asked. Which is a shame because my being mixed is such a fun and crucial part to me I think. (Now that I think about it, I dont think any of the boys except for Roy were asked about their backgrounds) (Also Nicole thought my name was like David or Daniel....) Shabin called, Raj gave the phone to Nicole. She had a small minute long convo in French before, in English, just went "Peace Out." At the time I didn't think there was anything funnier. I uh- I regret that I was too sober to talk, my anxiety ahd returned, but I couldn't take another drink; my body wouldn't be able to take it. It was 4 in the morning. The buses wouldnt start running for another 2 hours. We were all going to uber back to our cars. If I went with my friends it'd cost them an extra $40. I went with Roy instead, I watched them squeeze into the uber and said my goodbyes. Roy and I made it back to his car, I thanked him for the night after he dropped me home. It was close to 5 in the morning. I had to trouble knocking out.

// Sunday 28th //

I didnt do ish today. I woke up at 12 to a couple of messages saying everyone got home safe, I was glad. I didnt want to look at my camera roll, something about it made me feel guilty. I doomscrolled way too much. I listened to Swallow the Knife and Ego Death at a Bachelorete party, organizing the rest of my spotify in the process. Shabin kept calling, I missed the first couple calls but answered the latter half. He had me for too long, my day was running out and I needed to do some actual work. I was watching BlacKkKlansman and I wanted to finish before I had to go to bed. I wanted to write.

I liked the movie, I think I would've enjoyed it more if I didnt have to keep stopping it for my baby. I don't really like Discord or phone calls or facetime. Even when I was with Jen or Ivory... When I'm alone in my room it is for me. I know it is a selfish thing to say but I can't not feel this. Even my own girlfriends I didn't like calling me. LMFAOOO I'm an awful partner cuh. I just- would much rather see them in person. In shabins case I can understand. He's "by himself" in a foreign country awake for almost 2 days, he needs to vent. His thoughts started chasing itself in circles. I wanted to be supportive but stern, I dont think I achieved either. I had to go, if I didn't leave I wouldn't write. (This mf said I dont understand family because I was white, I stg the only thing stopping me from buying a ticket to France and strangling him was my lack of a passport. How fucking dare-! It's so chill, I don't even care.) He said he's quitting the substance abuse, I hope so. I wanna see the boy doing something. I know he doesn't want to be stuck in this capitalistic society, neither do I. But he isn't making visible strides to escape it. I have a plan to go back to school. I need to.

It's 10:45 now. I'm nearly ready for bed. I think I'm going to go through the camera roll and maybe upload some things. I wish you the greatest of nights. I love you. Please remind me to facetime my cousin at some point I didnt get the chance today and I miss my first sister dearly.