September 26th, 2025 - Nap nap nap

An excruciating wake up and devastating headache. I gotta stop hanging out with unemployed mfs.

I enjoyed yesterday and I would really like to see Sara again. I don’t think we clicked so well this first time ‘round but I know I can break that mf ice. I’m so goated, I wanna prove to myself I can pull the FOB Latina baddie.

With that said I will be expanding my searches elsewhere. There’s two women on hinge that I’ll be messaging soon. I just need to get through today. Shuffle through work like the corpse that I am and then pull a recap out of my ass and a good session from the deepest recesses of my soul.

——

Every living things fears death in a base state survivalist kind of way. I fear death in a more profound and existential way. Since I was a child I’ve feared the reaper. Yesterday, when I was finally ready to close my eyes I was hit by a devastating wave of anxiety over death. Over what comes next, about how little time I have left, about how much of it I’ve already wasted. I was thinking about how when freya is 16 I’ll be 32, then that lead to thinking about our family getting old, and it all spiraled from there. My mother used to be my age, and someday I’ll be hers now. I needed to put my thoughts elsewhere, anywhere else; lest I cry or throw up or both.

Sleep finally took me around 230. Waking up today is one of my harder battles. The other was asking financial aid from my savings account. My mother didn’t want to release the funds, instead she opted to be my loan shark once more. Hmmmm. Blue mountain, my new phone and the subsequent weeks truly hurt my wallet. I’m unsure where all of my debt came from but it is an ugly beast that I hope to conquer next paycheque.

She transferred the money from my savings, I’m free from these monastery restraints I’ve placed on myself.

—-

It’s so autumn coded outside. There’s a coolness to the air, I trample leaves as I walk, the treeline is a blend of oranges

———

Work

——

Nap

Zombie wake up

——-

Doomscroll

Recap

Dungeon

Peacemaker