September 25th, 2025 - estábamos tan atrás que se acabó

Just found out Taylor and Hayley split. Damn, you hate to see it. I figured it from “love me different” but “parachute” is some semi definite confirmation.

I need to text people back. Each day feels busier than the last. I know I spent yesterday doing nothing but I think I needed it.

——

Work

—- date

RAGGHHHHH. This wasn’t a bad date. I may feel like it was but it wasn’t. That language barrier is a bit of a killer high key. There were lots of pauses in conversation where I had to hope she understood what I was saying.

I also enjoyed myself a lot more than I was expecting. Once it all hit me at once that I was going on a date and all of the anxiety and everything came flooding in I was excited.

Pick up peaking head door, no time to prepare

She just walked into the car no time to open for her

I liked her outfit, she’s very pretty

The drive to the place was okay, I was trying to break the silence without dipping into too many topics before we got to Takumi

FUCKING 20ish minutes stuck at the light because of the accident

More silences

We get to the restaurant

I order for us

She’s cooking for both of us at the start but later on we’re both cooking

We talk about family, she has two younger sisters

About her move to Canada, “because why not?” She says

I wasn’t able to really get into the deep stuff that I wanted because of the barrier, there were times that I was saying something and she just smiled at me. She has a nice smile.

The dinner part was okay. The walk to Bubble tea was carrying that same kind of vibe, palpable tension in the air. Finally at the bubble tea place there was a calm. I- also forgot how short she was. When we were sitting she’s the same height, but then on the walk she’s like my brothers height. It’s so strange. At bubble tea I was behind her while she’s looking at the menu. I dunno what was going on in my brain but something made me-!

We got our fortunes. And she liked all the posters. We got our drinks and I was lost. Do we go to the rec room, is the date over? I asked what she’d like to do and she ushered us to go back to the car so we could sing Olivia Rodrigo’s Vampire. The walk back was nice. She liked the lychee drink with the bunny on it. I had some of hers, way too sweet. I should’ve made it 50% sugar like mine. We talked about the similarities between Mexico and the Philippines. Between Español and Tagalog. Tio, Tito, Tia, Tita, puto, puta. We’re in the car at this point, I’m telling her about my sister, she’s giggling, we keep comparing words, she’s giggling. We talk about Lu, she’s giggling. Just before we get home she asks how to say “hi” in Tagalog and 26 years on this earth have all been a waste because I forgot. 😭 I FORGOT!!!!

We get to her place, I run around the car to open the door but she’s already got it open, I help her out, thank her for coming. I give her, her flowers and she gives me a hug. She says she likes them, and she hugs me. She says goodnight, and she walks to the door.

I could’ve done more, I could’ve walked her to the door, I could’ve- I could’ve- I- didn’t. I cannot, will not focus on what never happened. Tisnt healthy I fear. Instead I’ll ask her out again, and again until she says no. I would like to see her again, to prove that this can be something. If not to her to myself. The same person who wasn’t excited.

She called herself old pretty early on and I didn’t know how to respond to that, I just said she wasn’t old, and that I felt old when I turned 26. But I tried reassuring her that the 20s are literally just to learn. The 30s are for living. I hope she understood.

It wasn’t a bad date, but it feels like it was. That language barrier really really really hurts the convo. I felt like any chemistry we can have is dampened. It feels like I’m talking with a wet blanket over my head.

——

When I tell you the 3 man intimate hangouts are peak, I mean it. I loved seeing Shabin and Raj after the date. To get their opinions, their insights, to hear about what they’ve been up to since seeing them last. A beautiful night, an amazing 4 ish hours.