October 2nd, 2025 - Liz’s last Day

I got greedy, raagghhhhh!! I texted Nicole last night to which I did not receive a reply. Tis’ fine, I don’t even care. Then Dave started asking if I was interested. I don’t even have a proper answer for him.

I just keep saying “open lines of communication” to myself, muttering the words under my breath like I’m crazed. Honesty and openness are the way I’m going to come out on top. (Not lose a friend and start a 2nd civil war) I told him that I don’t know her to genuinely be interested in her, but I do like the thought of talking to her, and would like to know her more. Dave hasn’t really given me a response as to what he wants. I think I need to tell him that I’m open to her just being a friend, that really isn’t a problem. I think having women around is just a positive, dating or not. Our group is all dudes, and it shows in everything we do.

I am unsure. I don’t know how to feel, mostly just embarrassed. I feel like I might’ve pushed and made shawty uncomfortable, quite literally one of my greatest fears. I detest to think of making women uncomfortable. :( Did it too often in the past and now I must make reparations. I don’t think I’m sad about it, like, I didn’t know her? We met once, I’m not exactly distraught. I had nothing to lose so I shot. I am proud for shooting! It’s fine, we live, we learn. None of it matters. I just hope all parties are cool.

Today was Liz’s last day. We got her a cake and card and sent her on her way. She brought in donuts. I truly hope everything goes well, I will never wish anything but the best for Liz. It was weird to see her leave the kitchen and know that I won’t see her for a while.

Drez and I hit the gym after work, I actually worked out today, no girls to distract me. Drez however… he worked out eventually. But good lord, I do not get a good workout in, I only get half of my shit done in the time it takes for him to finish. I’m basically working out to keep up with myself not excel.

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I think it helps that we don’t drive home together. I haven’t spent too much brain power thinking about it; the difference between Drez and I or Dennis and I. I pray that the results aren’t the same. But- I also think that Drez works in a way that Dennis didn’t? I dunno, I found Dennis to be capable at work, but now after hearing what my coworkers had to say perhaps it was the rose coloured glasses. I do miss him, but not the same way I used to. I used to yearn and pray and wish for life to go back to how I had it, my makeshift puzzle pieces forced into a perfect picture. These days however I can see that I was missing pieces, I still like how the picture looks but it was never complete. I’m unsure, I just enjoy having a friend to talk to because I feel it forces me to be social. :)

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The rest of the day went easy. I lazed through the evening scrolling Reddit and watching YouTube videos. A fun insightful look into Torontos Go Train problem. Uhm-! I don’t mind this doom scroll, I think it isn’t so much dopamine chasing so much as it is me looking at things I actually like and having something to listen to in the background. It’s all just to turn my brain off after a busy day. I really wanted to watch The Suicide Squad, but my uh- session ran long.

Showered! All clean! Yippie! Both of my huzz texted back. Things are good, I am chalant, traught, and whelmed. Goodnight!!! Love love love. - Dyl