November 11th - 14th, 2025 - Unremarkable

 // November 11th, 2025 //

I’ve endured every day this life has thrown at me. I’ve survived each sickness to only get stronger from it. I’ve had my heart broken 3 times, and perciveurrd the death of my ****** ***. And yet sleep deprivation will be the toughest battle I’ve had to face.

—-

That 17 hour coma has ruined me. I only got 4 hours of sleep last night and it has made all the distance. Once 1/2/3 PM rolls around, im dead to the world. I had lunch handled at the very least. If nothing else, I’m goated at my job. It was an early night for me, I can’t keep my eyes open.

// November 12th, 2025 //

Entirely bereft of anything it once was.

The last thing I said about the topic was that I’d wish him all the happiness in the world, but I never wanna see him again. I had made peace with that too, there wasn’t a hint of deception in my words. Now? Conflict bounces off the walls of my mind. I am riddled with indecision and confusion. If I am as big of a man as I say I am; I should be more than willing to make peace, but what of that flame in me? That burning rage? All the evil hurt part of me that wants to see suffrage, ten fold what I experienced? I know in all of me but my rage that’s not what I want. I have too much love in my heart to yearn for someone to hurt.

I don’t wish for them to come back, that’s such an old fantasy. A dead dream. If they ever did, it’d never be the same. I can be friendly, I can even be friends. It could even look similar but it’d never be the same. I bet, in a way, it’d even look like a day hadn’t passed. I’d know though. I do forgive, I did that a long time ago. I’d just be annoyed to know that I’d apologize first, I might even be the only one to apologize. A “sorry” could never make it all right anyway; it would just acknowledge that what I went through was wrong.

I don’t know, I need more time to ruminate.

——

Drez didn’t come in today. Yesterday was a wash of a day. I woke up at like 230 in the morning and couldn’t go back to sleep. When I forced myself into the gym I just knocked out for an hour. The appetizer to my 5 hour short rest. I couldn’t sleep today either, I was on track to get my full 8 hours but again I awoke before my alarm. 340 in the morning, what was I to do with myself? Where I doomscrolled yesterday, I actually managed to work on my insta posts this morning.

I did everything in my power to stay up. I worked on more insta posts for as long as I could. I even started writing up my chainsaw man cafe post. The latest I could stay up was 9, I practically knocked out phone still in hand.

// November 13th, 2025 //

I uh… I forgot Drez. His tire blew out yesterday so he couldn’t come in. We agreed I’d pick him up from Meadowvale today. I was 5 mins away from work before I had to turn around for the boy. I grabbed McDonald’s before work.

The day was surprisingly easy. Even the things that’d normally have me stressed were minor to me. ++ we got bubble tea.

I knew Mark wasn’t coming in until late, Tita also came in late but that was because of traffic. Thankfully we had Jo come in to save us. His presence is always loved, always appreciated. I just prepped for most of the morning until Mark and Tita showed up to help guide me. Lunch was done… mostly on time. We ran out of food a couple of times because we were staggering the cooking process but it wasn’t really working out for us.

I actually got to talk to Jo, to get some ideas off my chest. He asked if I wanted to be friends again. (With Dennis) I told him my truth, I didn’t know. The more we explored the topic the best answer I could come up with was that I wouldn’t mind being friendly with him, but not friends. We could be peaceful, jovial, laugh together and all. But I could never call him my friend, I’d never trust him. I was satiated.

We were gonna have oxtail for lunch but it wasn’t ready by the time we sat down. At least the bubble tea was good.

After work I took Drez to shoppers world. Once I got home it was time to take Freya and my mom out. I had just enough time at home to find a nice Kamayan place to suggest. It seems like the group is interested. Despite my debt I picked up that Sora Reze bag. I want it, I don’t want to miss out on it.

—-

I’m at McDonald’s, I’ve been here for 30 minutes… that’s not normal right? I just ordered a shake, some fries and a borger. I feel like they called me but I couldn’t hear. At least it gave me time to write my recap. Uhhhhh, I’m so hungry. I have now been here for 40 minutes. I’m deadass starving. Are they gonna call my number? I ordered a McFlurry because I thought I’d be able to ask about the food when they handed me the ice cream but the lady placed the order down and walked away before I got to her. So I just… ate the ice cream and now it’s been 45 minutes… I might deadass just leave and ask my bank to force my money back.

I finally asked someone. I waited a couple minutes and they had my ish ready but they didn’t give me my shake. I just left. I can take the $2 hit. I’ll never get that hour of my life back though.

// November 14th, 2025 //

GOD HE'LL NEVER KNOWWW, DENJI WILL NEVER KNOW REZE CAME BACK!!! I AM WEEPING!!! I just caught a video talking about Infinity Castle Part 1 vs Reze Arc. How Demon Slayer's "Movie" is just a season of anime glued together to make the runtime long enough for theatres. How following the 3 act structures of a movie, it repeats itself 3 times, 1 for each fight. By doing so, it leaves you no time to process the fight that came before it. It constantly has to one up itself in the same "movie" It's eating its own tail. Whereas Chainsaw Man is one linear and coherent story, it has one set up, one conflict and one conclusion. Peak Cinema. I jest, however...

Anyway, today was unremarkable; on all accounts. There was nothing really special about today, and thats okay! I don't need every adventure to be the end of the world. I have plenty of big things coming, I can rest a day, I dont mind. Work was thankfully easy. I doomscrolled the evening away until we skipped Dungeons. I only had Tito Arm and Tito Arn pull up so we're postponing until next week. I don't mind. I was tired. Am tired.