May 26th, 2025 - Brampton walks, Dylpressive talks

I’ve been really into Sir Chloe recently, and just today I rediscovered Destroy Boys. Their lyrics are relatable, their sound evicts emotion; I love them. Of the songs I like I find a lot of them are either headbanger rock or incredibly introspective and constantly having me question my character. What am I trying to say? What am I doing? Who the hell is this for?

I hate you- it’s such a powerful emotion I can’t bear to waste it on you. Unbridled rage; hate. I miss you with every beat of my heart, with every thought and idea that springs to life you’re missing. Nothing is complete without you. I hate you and I miss you and I hate you. We couldn’t even make it to ten years dog? :(

Call my bed a baddie the way I couldn’t pull out. I woke up so tired, I kept hitting snooze but I knew the new girl was starting today, and I had all the groceries in the car. I dragged myself out of my abode, fed Kimchi and drove to work. Sir Chloe, Rebecca Black and Katseye dominated the aux and I blasted it all the way down Ninth Line.

At work I had a nice lil catch up with my coworkers before one of them reminded me that I had police looking for me. I had completely spaced. I started writing an email to the officer but the new girl was waiting outside so I had to pick her up. I forgot to reintroduce myself, I gave her everyone’s names but my own. (Obviously because I’m unforgettable) I started training her but I had to get lunch ready so my coworker took over. We got everything done in time and the new girl was actually really helpful, despite having to train her I feel she never took time away from our work.

I- guys- I’m antisocial, I can’t talk to women, I’m just an awkward guy yo. I think I spoke to her twice. And I think I spent to much brain power making sure not to look at her. Anyway, work was nice.

I got home around 4:30, watched Brooklyn 99 until 630 and then I had to take my brother to his baseball. We drove the 30 mins it takes to get to Brampton and then I kinda just spaced in my car for like 15 minutes. My Tito’s texting me that he sees me, I look around and he and his family are right beside me taking pictures of me. I’m laughing in my car, while he’s talking about how many times it took him to park his car; it was a miracle I didn’t see him.

My Tita was asking about food in the area and I realized I’m 10 minutes away from one of my friends house. I miss him. I miss him so much. He’s the Redhood to my Nightwing. I love you and miss you Shabin. I hope I’ll see him soon. :(

I went for a walk, my car had sat idle enough. I went to Walmart and picked up some pimple patches for the cold sores I was developing. I also bought a bunch of Asian pears. I got back into my car and came home. Now I sit and write in my parked car outside my place thinking about Destroy Boys.

I think I would make a phenomenal nomad, like- I love material items and shii, but I hate to think that I’ll live in the same place forever. I need change I crave it, especially because I hate how stagnant things are. I feel my mind atrophy. My muscles scream for use and my soul wants to tell stories. I quiet them all. I do nothing. Do people still remember my name? Do they still love me the same? They haven’t seen me in years what kind of mess have I turned into, what monster have I become?

I’m making mussels now, I’m gonna eat them and watch Brooklyn 99, maybe the new Doctor Who if I’m not tired. I wish I had the ability to make my dreams come true. I think I used to, I also think I killed that part of me. I used to weep and wail whilst working. There was a version of me that would rip and claw its way out of me, trying to escape trying to make it in the world. I hope they got out. I hope when everything hurt, when I was at my worse; I hope they got out. Maybe there’s a me out there that made it. Or maybe I killed them.

I miss you all, I love you all.

- Dyl ---Song Scraps---

I hate to think that I can’t sleep

When you’re not around

I hate to think I’ll fall

The holes inside the walls, a reminder of you

A poor excuse

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I don’t think you know me

But who am I to tell

I can’t be the one to judge you

When I don’t know myself

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