July 24th, 2025 - I Hope You Find Your Way Home

I saw his cake off Denise’s story. I thought about it the other day too, how I missed his birthday. Prior to it I was thinking about how I would miss it, whether I should text. Days later I would realize it was the 22nd and it had come and gone without…. Anything. The days are bleeding. It’s growing increasingly difficult to remember I have friends who want to see me. I am alone this week.

I don’t think I’ll ever change, I’m looking at my cracked windshield. I’ll never call them. It didn’t matter when I had the money, I’ll never call. It’s out of the scope of my abilities.

I think Rajvirs back from the UK, I should ask to hangout. I’m free this weekend. Maybe with Ryan too. Heaven help me, why is the most difficult thing in life living?

—-

I couldn’t sleep last night, it was 2 am before I felt any inkling of sleeps cold embrace. I can’t check my bank account, I own a crazy amount of money. I have so much shit to do.

• pay $2k to bank

• Pay $1.7k to Madré

• Text the fucking cop

• Read my fathers email

• Write to nene

• Write to Klarence

• Clean my room

• hangout with friends

• book blue mountain

—-

Work was.

Mansur was sick again. It was hot as shit outside, I barely had clothes on while I was grilling. I was out there until 4 tryna clean the grill.

—-

I made it home around 430, I resumed my work from yesterday. Months after her introduction I finally have a character sheet for Rela. Which will hopefully make my life far easier later.

—

I showered, packed Gabriel in the car and dipped. We went to Walmart because the boy was hungry and it’s in the CIBC plaza. I picked up a different green shirt than what I was going to wear because the long sleeve was way too hot. Logan got some McDonald’s and picked up some money for the concert.

We headed to Foch. We’re at Foch saying hi to everyone, mama wasn’t there. She was at IKEA grabbing dinner with Tito Arman.

—

We boarded the go train and just chatted. It was nice

—-Addendum—-

Woe that I didn’t write this as soon as possible. It’s Saturday as I type. The concert was phenomenal. This was my first stadium show so I didn’t know what to expect, everything thus far has been lil venues here and there. But this was spectacle, grandeur, elite. Pyrotechnics, stage design and props. A jumbotron.

All of the extra stuff was so cool, a la the sets the story, the whole show. And the performance? Astounding. The man really loves his craft I think. And Chromakopia is such an amazing album. My only disappointment came from playing so little of it. We started out with Chromakopia and then switched- ahem. It has come to my attention that the man played 10 of the 14 songs. I’m only sour because it wasn’t balloon. I didn’t realize how much ppl loved judge Judy, I do not bop to that song. I was jamming out screaming to everything before it, and then he switched it up and everyone beside me went wild, the crowd was in love. I sat my ass down and nodded along while people were bussin’ to it. Is it really that good?

After most of Chromakopia, and after performing “take your mask off” Tyler walked to a different stage that was made to look like a house. Inside sat a record player, in which Tyler would sort through a box of records, of which I can only assume shaped him as an artist and a person. Some of the records were his, he’d brush past the records he liked and get to his own. He’d take it out, put it on the player and a 5 minute medley full of his greatest hits from that album would go off. He’d finish the set, and switch to a different album.

I thought it was such a cool way of doing it. I really really enjoyed it. I actually only wish I knew more of his old work. There was so much I wasn’t familiar with.

After everything he finished off with “find your way home” said thank you to everyone and waved goodbye. I think he’s tired, the man has been playing the same thing since February and doesn’t finish until September. That a long time to live in the same headspace. No wonder he dropped “don’t tap the glass” I would need new shit too.

Logan rushed us out of the stadium before I could get my own piece of merch. (I bought him his sweater during lil yachts set) We got to union and waited 30 minutes for the last train. We had to push past a million people to get off at lakeshore.

—

I’ve never seen someone look more like an NPC quest giver than when Tita Rose blocked the door at Foch. We swung by just to use the washroom and say bye to mama, but only Logan made it in. Tita had me complete a side quest involving Baby squirrels. I thought it was fake but I dumped the bag and there they were. Pink as- uhhhh- pink. I really hope they’re reunited with their mom. I feel so guilty for not doing more but I was so tired. It was 12:30 I had work in 6 and a half hours.

— addendum

I saw a picture of you on Denise’s story. I gotta make sure to send her a happy belated birthday. I hold no quarrel with her and wish her the best. Uhm- and I saw you and your friends, I saw our mutual Ryan. It was like the last puzzle piece slotting into place. It all clicked.

We’re not those kids anymore. We’ll never be them again. I don’t want to go back to being those people, you have your life and I have mine. I will forever cherish the time our life’s intertwined, but- I dunno. That’s not us, why am I going to keep crying and bitching and whining about you. You’re happy, isn’t that all I ever wanted? :)

I’ll change my mind later, I know it. I’m only human. I can miss you and want those days back and feel at peace with where we are. Both can be true at the same time, I can’t keep beating myself up over it.

Genuinely, I wish you a belated birthday and all the happiness in the world. I miss you, sorry I missed it.