December 24th, 2025 - Christmas Eve and This Hollow Feeling

A part of me is glad to have gone into work this week, the money will go a long way for me and I can't be sure I would've spent the time wisely otherwise. I didn't exactly do anything anyway; today was entirely spent on my own personal project of making Mama's Pancit. We finished work around 1.

I got home for 130, I should've slept. Come 250 Mama was ready to get picked up, I had her in the car by 345 yet somehow I didnt leave Foch until 415. I cant even blame Mama for that one, that was all the Titos. I made it to the East end around 515.

So... Christmas!! Wasn't my favourite year in all honesty. I just feel like theres a strange disconnect. Other hang outs have felt like successes, this one felt like a dud which is such a shame for Christmas. I only have so many of these things in my life, to have any that are lame ash is devastating. I just don't think we came together well this time around. When we were painting and eating I think we were at our best, but given free time we all kind of did our own thing and unfortunately that meant not interacting...

I miss my sister. Uhm-! I have had better Christmas' and I will have next year to redeem myself. Just before the actual Christmas part, Ninang Amanda had us play a Kahoot she made and that was honestly so much fun. I got 4th. I was in the lead for the first 12 questions when they related to Mama or the cousins, but once it started asking about the siblings I got cooked.

Then I had to come to terms with something. I am aging, I am no child anymore. It doesn't matter how much whimsy and joy I force, I dont have that childlike wonder, or even- I'm not a fucking kid anymore. I'm not even big bro!! I think that's Ronic now, I hit Unc status. I've been saying that for a while, joking about it. I think it might have actually happened this time around. I sit with my cousins and watch them open their gifts and I feel old. I opened 2 maybe technically 3 gifts on the East end... I just felt so weird watching everyone smile and I was filled with... jealousy? I just felt queasy. The night ended with a couple games of flicker and then we went home.