December 15th, 2025 - Next Year Will Be Kinder

You ever think about killing yourself and realize how little your life is worth? Lemme rephrase that because I don't want you to get the wrong idea. Ahem-! Killing myself isn't even a viable option of relieving debt. Also we should be allowed to kill billionaires, they're A.) Killing us first and B.) Not even actually people! Incredibly valid in mine eyes.

Work was whatever, we're not here to talk about her so shut up. My car, that curb, that curb ran me $300 what was supposed to be like $100 turned into $600, add that on to the $150 from Roll20. I FUCKING LOVE HIDDEN EXPENSES. I'm cooked, I will forever be trapped in this endless cycle of debt. I cannot go out anymore. I don't understand how I can get out, I dont even know how I got in. I was ballin' in the summer, what the hell happened?? FAHHHH!!!

5pm feels like the end of the world with the darkness encroaching around 4. The cold bites at every party of me while I get gas. This dry cough ripped my throat so now I bleed when I cough. Things are just really cool right now. Huzzless and broke. The mighty fall so quick. The king is dead, long live the king.

I think the New Year should probably be kind to me. I just keep thinking about being 30 and nothing to show for it. I'm almost there and it terrifies me. God fuck please, Make something happen, I cannot live like this, and yet- I think that part of me genuinely died in 2024, whatever that day was when I collapsed and had a panic attack then got crazy sick. I think that might have been the death of my dreams. That's why it hurt so bad, because my heart broke for the last time. Now all I have is made of tin, it cares only to carry on, worries not about hopes but hopes that we'll be okay.

Bring me back my heart, and maybe with it I'll find out how to live again.