August 4th, 2025 - Nothing

I don’t think I did much today. I watched some Naruto, played some Minecraft and finished my temple renovations. And then I finished my faggot coffee game. I didn’t realize it wasn’t a full game. I beat the tutorial and episode 6 of 24. Remind me to revisit it in a year or two.

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I’m very grateful to have had my older sister in my life growing up. My only regret is that she wasn’t there more, or rather I wasn’t. I feel like depending on how I type that it implicates blame on one of us. But we’re separate people we live different lives. I guess I only wish we were around each other more.

I tell her all my stories of what she’s missed in my life, every pain staking, heartbreaking details she doesn’t say too much of hers. I hear the occasional tale but I fear I’m over sharing when I’m with family. My cousins surround me, I expound to them all the sobbing sincerities that make up my mind. They tell me little. Is it me? Do they speak to each other behind my back? Am I untrustworthy? That answer depends on who you ask. I don’t think so. But maybe I’m biased.

I don’t want to ask my cousins to share more, it feels rude. I don’t want to beg, it feels desperate. But in private I think about it. How I know them very little. I love them all the same. But I know them very little. I miss Georgia and Andie. I miss my sister, I miss Nic. :s hrmnn

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I saw a trans woman on my feed, she was gorejuz, my eyes couldn’t believe angles were real. Anyway, I don’t think I wanna transition, I don’t want to be fully left or right. Somewhere in the middle would be ideal. I could stay what I am when I feel like it, and switch up by the hour, minute, second if needed. I’m not super knowledgeable about gender fluidity but it seems- it feels logical? My words are wrong, my throat is dry. It feels right, at least right now. Sometimes I want to be Dick, other times I am Cass.