August 3rd, 2025 - Kimchi is 4 and I like Lavender

It’s. Kimi’s. BIIIRRTHHHDAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He got lots of cuddles today; some salmon and his wet food treat. I wish I got to take him outside but I hope the lil guy enjoyed the minor extra attention. He don’t know Tf going on, just a normal ahh day for him.

I finally put away my laundry, my drawers are organized; I’ve got too many shirts I’ve realized. Mayhaps it’s time to retire some. ahem IDKHOW ahem who said that? I got my sheets changed. And then my mother and I took a nice lil walk. I got my steps in before we went to the lavender farm.

I took a shower, got dressed and we headed out. I had a great time. The lavender was not as purple as I had expected. My only previous encounter with the flower was the crocheted pastiche of it I bought for Tita Gina’s Mother’s Day gift. I see its elegant purple everyday I come to work. The real thing is far darker, though they did have varying strains of the plant all with their own shades. The one we picked however were darker in tone.

I’m forgetting the tea party. Er- or the lack thereof. There was no tea!? They had iced tea but Freya and I agreed it wasn’t sweet enough. We were sat next to some mid aged white ladies, our mom next to another Filipina woman with her daughter. The woman asked about my Barong, I wish I talked to her more, wasn’t so shy. The assortment of food was:

• cucumber sandwiches with fish egg

• Scones (hard, not sweet)

• Bread with blistered tomato and olives (delish)

• Toasted bagels, smoked salmon and cheese (dece)

• Roasted grapes and cheese (phenomenal)

• Leah lettuce salad with red onion (my favourite somehow)

• Chocolate cannoli (NASTY, DEVIL FOOD, KILL ALL ITALIANS, SCORCH THEIR HOMES, SALT THEIR LANDS, CURSE THEIR BLOOD FOR A THOUSAND YEARS)

• Carrot cake! (Oh my god the best)

I was pretty full after it all, I stuffed my bag with some bread and scones, I wanted more but didn’t want to steal a glass to put the wet stuff in. We started picking the lavender. There were so many bees, I’ve never seen that many in my life. It was so cool. I love bees. I felt bad that I was taking their food source, I hope they have more nearby. We took some pictures and videos in the fields.

After picking we took more pics and vids, there was a… cube, for a photo op. Our mom had to go to the washroom so Frey and I pretended to be Olivia Rodrigo in the can’t catch me now video. I got a text from our mom informing us that there were chickens on the farm. We took the last of the pics and vids and went to see the livestock.

Freya and I chased the chickens, I felt bad but it was fun. And there were horses!! Holy crap, they’re huge. I only ever see horses from a far. Either on the street at parades or on farms, their stature is reduced by their proximity but here? I pet the horse bro. Homie was letting me rub his snout. It was- lowkey magical. I can see the appeal of Disney Princess powers.

We went into the gift shop, I picked up some lavender- bushels? They’re like scent pods. I got one for all the girls at work, one for my car and one for my room. We had lemonade ice cream with lavender syrup, exquisite. We also found some horse feed that you could take for free, we threw some at the chickens but they were more scared than interested. The horses however? Also disinterested. They were no longer beside the fence, instead they were looking for food on the far(m) side of the corral. One of the horses got thirsty and meandered over to its water bucket. We were standing close enough to peak its interest and it wandered over to us. It licked up Freyas hand in one fell swoop and it bit my finger. It’s not its fault, bro was starving, and I didn’t know the right way to feed him. I flattened my palm and he licked the rest of the pebble like kibble.

My hand was drenched. NARSTY! GNARLY! UGH! I washed my hands (after some more chicken chasing) and it was time to go.

We played some of the driving games from B.C on the way home. After a while I grew bored and pumped the music up.

I can’t recall how it came up but I felt the urge to watch No Way Home. I booted it up.

Alfred Molina and Willem DeFoe are- they’re a different breed of actors. Both of them play these dual identities so well. You can see the difference between the softer Dr. Otto Octavius and the crueler Dr. Octopus. And Willem? He’s playing two entirely different characters in this film. People talk about Christopher Reeves’ how his switch from Clark to Superman is so noticeable. That’s what Willem is. You can see everything in him change, down to the atom. The use of the wide angle? Or- whatever they do when Spider-Man just has an off feeling, gold. When he webs up the Green Goblin in the apartment? That smile that- that- it inches across Willems face, he turns and smiles past the camera. His voice- he plays two, entirely, distinctive people in this film.

God, the fight? I thought maybe I had overhyped it since my last viewing but it was everything and more. There’s a scene where he’s just walking towards Spidey and is just pure menace, aura farming to the max. And then you see Spider-Man mount him, throwing blow after blow into his jaw and the mf just smiles at him. Spine. Chilling. I had thought the fight over, I completely forgot about the suplex. This man- picks up Spider-Man, throws him into the ceiling, and then catches him mid air and dive into the mf to send them both ten stories down. Then he gets up and taunts like he didn’t just demolish an entire condo. He is pure menace.

A younger aunt may casting is paid off in this film. Watching her pass, I think, hits harder that she’s younger. We’ve only just seen her running FEAST. Only just scratched the surface of her potential as a character in Peter’s life. She is so young, she has so much more to give, and to rob her of that? To turn her into his- not motivation, but a driving force in his life. A corner stone of his beliefs? Oooooohhhhh- beautiful and chilling.

Everything after is peak, I wept when Garfield saved MJ. I dunno, something in me.

—-

I uh- I can remember seeing this in theatres. I was so young. I still are but, we were really truly just kids. I remember the theatre, how goddamn hyped up it was. The yelling, the screaming, the tears of joy of it all. Decades of movies culminating into this? Golden.

It inspires me to say that I think it was one of the greatest things I’ve lived through. No way home, endgame and the Kendrick / Drake beef. Those are all things where you just had to be there. There is no string of words that can describe how it felt better than experiencing it.

— Addendum

I thought that horse was gonna bite my pinky off. Mama called during the tea party, apparently she wanted us to drop by and check out the garage because they’re cleaning it. We obviously forgot.

I told Freya about Cass, with my recent realization that Cassie is wasian, I’m starting to see the lil girlie pop as Cass. She doesn’t hold that same attitude, if anything she’s more Steph. But I can see the vision of her as Cass and I as Dick.

My mom keeps asking what I want to do for my birthday. I don’t know how to tell her she can’t give me what I want. I tried last year and she overspent trying to make me happy. I want my friends, not my family. Martins not in the GTA, Raj isn’t in Canada, Dennis doesn’t acknowledge my existence. I’m not having a birthday party with that Ry and Drizzy. :/

Medieval times could be fun, but I’d prefer to go with friends. I talked about the escape room and dinner, she said she could talk to the parents but- I don’t want that. It feels too much like a burden. (Did Georgia literally text asking to hangout? Yes. Am I stupid in the head and still think myself a burden even when I’m supposed to be celebrated? Yes.)

The hell are we even celebrating? The doctors and my mom did all the work, Ninang Leena even. Plus I was premature, so even more work for the party’s involved. What the hell was I even in a rush for? To do nothing? Accomplish nothing? Barely scrape the surface of existence? Fuck I can’t even say I’m a failure I never tried. I don’t- is failure what I’m afraid of? I think I- I just gave up. I told myself I know It wont work. It’s that mf Childish Gambino line “Why get a dog, it’s just going to die?” I love that line. I always compare it to life, not that it helps me.

I surround myself with quotes and art all about staying alive, fulfilling one’s dreams, accomplishing more than what was thought possible. For what? So I know where the bar is? It’s so much easier to not exist. I hate it, but it’s easy and I’ll never take the harder route. Pathetic. Send me an angel man, some strength? Make someone fix this, me. I already know I won’t do it myself. I’ve got a cure but it’s more trouble than it’s worth. Story of my life.