August 29th, 2025 - I’ve never had Peruvian before

Bruh I lost one of my dagger earrings in my bed. My internal clock woke me up before the alarm. I am obviously tired though I’m not yet feeling it.

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The devil on my shoulder smiles, and guiltily the angel does too. He isn’t my opp, I wish nothing but the best. Though, to know that a version of me sits in his head to cause him strife one last time does make me giggle.

GUYS! Have you seen Matthew L?? Biggeth is Middeth now! Bro looks like he split himself in half. To see Matthew done right is such a blessing. The man’s solo arc was the most successful by far. It’s- genuinely it’s inspiring to see someone win. Our group takes the Ws few and far between. To know that someone so kind and deserving of the world has things (if even just this) going right is amazing.

Yesterday was full of healing energy, it was so good to just vent; to know I’m not alone in my feelings. Apparently L couldn’t stand by and watch what happened to me. He was on the frontlines watching the other man gun me down. He had to walk away, I wasn’t innocent by any means but I was certainly set up, defamed and dragged through the mud. Every thought, every feeling, everything was justified. I was not alone. I like to think right now Matthew and I are that panel of Nightwing and Superman in the park. It’s so cool to have a friendship built off the same passions again. I get to rediscover all my friends! This isn’t some curse but a blessing, I can fall in love with them all over again.

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I had to pee so bad so many times today. I was literally jumping around like a sim, waving my hands to my unseen creator pleading for help.

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I hesitate to write something so deeply personal but what is this blog for if not the deepest pits of my secrets. Today we had lunch with Liu (I still don’t have the spelling). She’s Peruvian, 30, frequents the gym, and enjoys daredevil like stunts, A la bungee jumping. We sat beside one another. Maybe I stared too long. Maybe I let my gaze linger. I liked the wings of her eyeliner. The way her hair fell. I looked at her and I found out I still had a heart. I could feel my pulse quicken, my neck tighten; the beads of sweat felt like boulders on my skin. My sisyphean task to keep them from falling, to maintain my composure. Despite me sending signals to all of me, I could feel my face fail. Blood rushed to my cheeks. She’s pretty; and apparently 6 years out of the game (minus that one time) means the simplest of interactions can make me feel. My heart beat faster than every drop of rain splattering the pavement. I don’t know how to end this. Shawtys pretty and I got nervous.

Sleep