August 20th, 2025 - RAJVIR!! 26!!

“It was my song, oh just a song, and you made it worse just by singing along.” Beabadoobee is viscous with it. I’m weeping in my car.

I was getting ready for work and I came across an area where I had a phone call with Shabin. This was so early on in my career here. We talked about getting our investigative licenses. About how we were going to change the world. We were so young, bright eyed and bushy tailed. I think he still has that spark. I do too, mine is just dimmed, a little opaque and buried. I dunno. He’s been on my mind.

—-

Oop- you know who should’ve been on my mind??? MY BEST FRIEND, OF WHICH WHOM IT IS HIS BIRTHDAY!!! I was too distracted by the other brown man, how could I do this to my day 1??? Wahhhh, AND I KNEW, I KNOW HIS BDAY IS TODAY I WAS TELLING EVERYONE AT WORK YESTERDAY ABOUT HOW ITS MY BEST FRIENDS BIRTHDAY TOMORROW. I’m ashamed. I only remembered when I saw Emile and them texting. How could i- What the helly,

—- written the next day

“Last night was a movie” and then it hard cuts to three dudes sitting on a couch catching up after not seeing each other for almost a year.

—- Written on Friday Aug 22

I drove to Brampton. As always it is an arduous and irritating journey to take. Brown town has never in its life made me question why insurance is so high. I watched a kid- a child! No more than 10 years old run through ongoing traffic forcing both sides to stop. He wasn’t slick with it. Man just ran out onto the road, crossed the street and walked on the sidewalk… AGRHHGEH

Shabins place is- it’s nice! It’s weird to be back. I almost questioned if I was welcome here after the problems I’ve started, the shit that I’ve caused. My insecurities were put to bed quickly. Seasons change, Shabin doesn’t. In the same way Martin and I have that chemistry that instantly connects regardless of time. I was home. There was no awkwardness between me and him, me and his parents. I spoke to Amma as if she were my mom. (The joke is there, I’m not making it)

He cooked me a lil goat snack and we reminisced on the couch with a Heineken in hand. The conversation ran long and we were able to get my files onto his computer.

Raj came over after forever, he came in for a minute before we headed outside. You know when you’re dating someone and they fuck your BestFriend and then you hang out with both of them and the air is different? I looked at the two of them, they looked at me. They weren’t guilty of anything but- both of my pookies were hanging out together. What an unlikely duo, except Matthew L was with them. L and Shabin makes sense, throw Raj in there? Wild. AND ON TOP OF ALL OF THAT ITS TO BALL??? Huh? Also! Wdym Shabin and Matthew L know more than me! My insecurities are showing, my skin is fracturing. My FOMO is hitting. Hard.

The night progressed. Seasons change. People don’t. I know these people. I love these people.

Also Roy’s a- good actor. Raj and Shabibi insisted that Roy was married. I called him, asked him about it and without hesitation he says “yea, I was waiting for another 2 weeks to break the news but I guess now is as good as any.” I’m dumbfounded, the two of them are looking at me with shit eating grins. I tell roy he’s not married, he confirms it and I make sure he’s coming to Blue. He says yes, he says he loves me, I tell him I love him and hang up.

When we got back to Shabins place we played hangman to guess the name of Raj’s w. The rest of the night bleeds into early morning and I fall asleep at 2am.